1 – Thou shall bathe before entering the pool
It might be called a public ‘swimming bath’, but that doesn’t mean it’s a substitute for an actual bath! Washing [not just wetting] yourself before swimming helps to maintain a safe level of hygiene, not to mention water visibility too. It’s not fun to swim in other people’s grime!
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2 – Thou shant swim if thou ist ill
No one wants to swim in a cesspit. If you’ve been suffering from a dicky tummy or another viral nasty – please for the greater good – ask yourself if you’re really well enough to enter the pool. Chlorine can only do so much in the way of fighting bacteria…
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3 – Thou shalt not leer
No one wants a ‘Mr Fitzherbert’ in their pool! Those with voyeuristic tendencies, or inclined to do more oggling than swimming should be avoided at all cost. Leering, whether from behind tinted goggles or more openly with craned neck or slimy smile is simply bang out of order!
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4 – Thou shall keep control of thy younglings
It’s fantastic to see kids (away from a screen) having fun and [high-pitched-screaming aside] it’s great to see families enjoying some quality time together. However, noone wants to take a flying float to the side of the head, find themself unable to surface due to stray flotation devices, or be jumped on ‘bomb-style’ from a great height… Whether present in the pool or not, parents shouldn’t sack-off their responsibilities to the lifeguards – who are there to save lives rather than babysit.
5 – Thou shalt not toilet in the pool
Mr Hanky and friends are not welcome in the pool! And though some might think it’s okay to take a cheeky wee in the sea, it’s certainly NOT acceptable in the pool. Noone wants to swim in a toilet!
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6 – Thou shall tame thy hair
Who wants to leave the pool with a hairball stuck in their throat; or find their fingers bound together by strands of other people’s hair? Mmm, you only have to take a look at your own bathroom plughole to appreciate why thou should tame thy hair before getting into the pool. [Not just your barnet either..but all other unruly areas too]
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7 – Thou shall wear suitable swimwear
Some swimwear simply isn’t engineered for actual swimming. Sun-bathing or casual floating, maybe, but not for ‘jumping in’ or a fast stroke. Swimwear doesn’t leave too much to the imagination anyway; but it should at the very least fit properly, stay up/in place, not turn see-through, and must cover your bare necessities!
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8 – Thou shall don a verruca sock
Sharing is not caring when it concerns foot infections – simple! Swimming pools and showers are prime locations for verrucas to spread, so if you’ve got one and still want to swim, then be responsible and keep it to yourself. Or, please see commandment 2.
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10 – Thou shall keep thy hands to thyself
Some might think the pool a great location for a date, for obvious reasons. However for all those who are thinking of taking a romantic dip together, please remember: there are other people around, water is transparent, and a public pool really isn’t the place for PDAs & heavy petting. Enough said.
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Haha I love this “Mr Hanky and friends are not welcome in the pool!”.
I can’t swim so have to say I forgotten that going to a pool was not just for lounging about, look nice and drinking.